


Hiraeth

by skiiish367



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Lance (Voltron), F/M, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Langst, M/M, Multi, Slow Burn, Team isn't so nice, Team learns to be nicer, Weird things where one gets hurt, but Lance isn't having any of it, but the other feels pain
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2019-08-03 21:06:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16333481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skiiish367/pseuds/skiiish367
Summary: (n). a homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was.Lance gulped, wondering if he should go further. Scared to find out whether his insecurities were really insecurities, or just bitter reality. “Why?” he whispered, daring them to speak the truth.“Because, unlike you, I’m not useless.”





	1. A moment

_Everyone is given their moment. Their moment to shine and make something of themselves. Working through sweat and stain, all for that one second of glory._

_Lance’s mother had always told him that he should never fight for glory. To always to fight for what was right..._

  


“Get to your Lions, Paladins!! QUICKLY!”

Lance winced at the screeching in Allura’s voice. It wasn’t that he necessarily hated her voice. In fact, it was a beautiful tune to listen to. Calming, yet spitting anger with a fire that he’s only ever seen in Keith. She sounded more like the emperors who spoke their warrior speeches before the battle.

The talk about how this is it. The moment. The one moment that defines your life. That one moment was what scared Lance.

  


_One moment. That’s all you have, mi hijo._

  


That’s all that gives him. But what if it wasn’t enough? If the moment wasn’t _enough_ time? If it wasn’t the _right_ time...what then?

And as he runs into the safety of his beloved Blue, only to realize Blue wasn’t his. Not anymore. Lance lets his smile drop, pausing outside Red’s hanger to take a breath of air. Just to breathe. It’s a futile fight. Breathing while drowning in not an easy feat. Sometimes, Lance wishes to brag about it to the princess just to prove that he’s learnt a skill they have yet to get close to mastering.

“Lance!! What are you doing?! GET OUT THERE!” Allura barked through the intercoms and Lance supposed his little break was over of the seat. “ZARKON IS ATTACKING!!”

Lance lets out a soft chuckle, but stops when he hears Allura’s pales, gasping from across the intercom. “How... _How could you possibly laugh at this moment?!_ ”

“Calm down, princess! It’ll all be alright,” he laughs, moving Red out from her hanger into the fight. He doesn’t justify why he laughs to Allura. It wasn’t to insult her...or mock her leadership. Nor was it to take the seriousness out from the situation.

He knew they didn’t have to time to joke, but a part of him couldn’t help but fear that it might be his last. Might be _their_ last. The last laugh...the last joke. The last time they hear each other’s voice.

He doesn’t want it to be the last.

So he talks. Talks and talks throughout the entire fight. Red growls and it’s and it’s warm. Warm like the sun. Warm like Hunk. _Warm like Keith._

“LANCE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Pidge’s voice rips through his ears, shaking him out of his temporary bliss.

“I–uh..” Lance tries. “I’m watching your guys backs!! Who knows if there is a surprise attack?!”

“Lance!” Shiro scolds. “We don’t have time for jokes right now!”

Lance nods quickly, not bothering to reply back, and heads deeper into the heart of the battle. He doesn’t go to deep in, strays a bit away from the crowd, and shoot from up ahead, aiming his lasers at the ships that neither of his friends seem to notice.

Lance has half a mind to remind them of their foolish mistake. Heading into the centre of the battle only lets your get surrounded and cornered. This wasn’t like the practice drills with the robots back on the ship where everyone was in the centre, trying to protect one another. They all saw how well that worked.

He doesn’t tell them yet though, instead focusing on freeing them of their load. He fires at the incoming ships from afar, giving his friends the time to finish off with the ones that they were currently in combat with. “Guys!” Lance calls through the intercom. “You need to–”

“Not now, Lance!!” It’s Allura this time, growling her selfish thoughts through his coms “We don’t have time for this!”

“No! Listen to m–”

Allura cuts him off once again. “Shut up, Lance!!”

“You need to get out of the middle!! You’re practically allowing the Galra to surround and corner you!! I took out the ones which should give you some time, but now you need to get the hell out of there!” Lance yelled through the coms, firing another lazer at the other the coming ships.

No reply.

“GUYS?! _HELLO?!_ ”

Nothing.

Lance swallowed, not knowing what to do. He wasn’t angry, more lost at what to do. Shiro was the leader...he made decisions, and Lance didn’t know what to do if they wouldn’t even reply back to him.

He watched them get overwhelmed in the battle, hands twitching in his lap in loss of what to do. Follow Shiro’s orders and allow them to get destroyed, or break free from what he’s been told and try to make things better.

He’s not angry.

He’s scared...and that’s the problem isn’t it? Being angry was something he could change, but he couldn’t help the fear that crawled up his skin and into the hollow depths of his bones, drowning him in a never ending ocean and he sank.

 

Deeper...

 

...and...

 

_...deeper._

 

“Whatever...let’s go beat some Galra-ass. You with me, beautiful?” he asks, gripping his hands on the panels forcing them to stay put, and at another warm purr, he thrust forward. Letting his..no– _Keith’s_ lion flow in full speed, around the battle, and heading back behind the Galra Cruzer. The main source of the attacks. If he could get rid of this, the others might be able to hold up against the rest of the ships.

“C’mon girl!”

Lance dodges a coming shot from the ship, aiming at the ion cannon that was beginning to charge up. “Sorry, Red...but we’re going to get a little roughed up if we want to get rid of that big-ass cannon. You ready?”

Red lets out a big roar, and Lance smiles closing his eyes, the adrenaline rushing through his veins and pulsing into Red. Connecting them, and making them one. One breath, and they are charging towards the cannon ignoring all shots coming from the sides.

A shot stumbles them off course, but they don’t care. They approach the cannon, Red’s paws pushing and attempting to claw the cannon off its hinges. Lance winced, and Red let out a small whimper as the shots from surrounding ships fired at him in an attempt to protect the cannon. That was new. He didn’t think he had ever heard Red whimper...maybe it was because he was here and not Keith. Or maybe it was just this small moment of vulnerability. Trust. Did Red trust Lance? It wasn’t long before he realized, there was no possible way of tearing the cannon off its hinges...but it could be bent.

That’s it!

Red let out a mummer of agreement, not bothering to think twice about the pain it would put them both in. Gods, Red really was just like Keith. Not giving a damn about anything, but pure instinct. Reeling back in Red cockpit, he flew above the cannon, the light blinding as it absorbed the energy from the space around them, geering up to fire.

“Ready, Beautiful?”

Red raised her head in pride, and the two of the free falled downwards, thrusting the gears at their highest speed. It was funny how falling seemed possible in Red. There is no upright in space, but in Red, that all seemed to change. The two of them went faster, the cannon approaching them in an unbelievable speed, but neither stopped.

It ended as fast as it began. They hit the ion cannon barely seconds before it fired, bending the cannon downwards and towards the galra ship. Hah! The bean burst free, ripping through the carrier ship, and Lance couldn’t hear. The deafening ring, rippling like waves through his ears. Red flew back, dents in her beautiful body, and Lance banged against the walls of the cockpit, struggling to grasp a hand on something to stabilize himself. Another tremor, probably from the Galra ship blowing up, but Lance couldn’t be sure. For all he knew...he failed.

The impact knocked him off his feet, sending him barrelling his way towards the controls, wincing as the panel dug deep into his stomach. Hard enough to hurt, but nearly not enough to break skin.

Lance doesn't remember what comes after. All he knows that he’s back in his hanger, Red having to autopilot them there. He sits there for a moment breathing. Just breathing.

He doesn’t feel the pain anymore, probably from the shock. The ringing in his ears came to dull thump, slowly fading away. It doesn’t hurt, but Lance can’t help but feel bad.

“I’m so sorry...I’m so sorry, Red...” Lance whimpers, curling into himself. “You trusted me...and I..I hurt you..”

Red  immediately squares up, and sends a howl through his mind, causing him to wince. ‘ _Not your fault.’_ She reminds him. **_‘_** _Our choice._ ** _OUR_** _choice.’_

Lance lets out a small chuckle. Red was different from Blue. So...so different. She didn’t send soft purrs his way or attempt to console him by saying nothing was wrong. Because fuck...everything was wrong.

Instead, Red reminded him that they were in this together...and if what they had done was wrong, then so be it. The were both wrong...and they both would suffer the consequences together. They chose...and they acted. Together...and never alone.

Lance thinks back to Keith. Was it the same with Keith? Lance had always figured that Keith was all impulse and solo and ‘I don’t need anybody’ sort of guy, but now he wonders if Keith was ever alone at all. He had Red then...but what about now?

Was he alone with the marmora? Did he ever feel insecure about his short stature?

Letting out a soft sigh, he forces himself off his seat, and out the hanger.

_Thanks, Red._

 

-o-

 

Lance takes his time going to the meeting room. His heart raced with excitement, and a sense of pride that could only be described as cockiness. They have got to have noticed him, and oh how proud the princess would be.

He ignores the lack of pain in his stomach and walks into the room, hands in pocket and a toothy grin on his face. “Hey guys~”

He gives a little wave, hoping for some smile or pat on the back for his work. Instead, he’s greeted with grim faces. Shiro’s frown. The wrinkle in Allura’s furrowing eyebrows and Pidge glaring at him much like usual. Hunk sits on the chair, quiet, hands fumbling with his fingers. He’s nervous, Lance notes.

They all looked exhausted. Even Lotor, who had been helping control the castle as he too, was half altean. Allura hadn’t given Lotor the permission to control the battle side of the castle...only it’s movements and giving power to it’s system, which could easily be altered if Coran chose to do so.

Lance’s smile almost falters, but he doesn’t let it bother him. They are all tired and weary from the fight. They just need some ti–

“What the hell was that, Lance?!”

Lance’s eyes widen at Shiro’s sudden outburst, and he takes a step back. “I.. _.what?_ ” he asks confused. “What did I do?”

“You know what you did! Don’t try to wormhole your way out of this!” Allura snaps, her hair falling around her in a jumble, but looking pretty nonetheless. “You–You put the entire team in danger!!”

“I did what now?” Lance gapes almost shocked. He...he didn’t put the team in danger. Red even told him so.

“Lance,” Shiro scolds softly, but Lance isn’t having it.

“I didn’t do anything to put the team in jeopardy!! When did I even do that?!”

“Lance!” Shiro is harsher time, the irritation growing and Lance could almost feel the hatred radiating from the two leaders. “You didn’t follow instructions!”

“Yeah..but–”

“I don’t need any excuses, Lance, “ Shiro continues, his eyes gaze going straight through Lance, like he wasn’t even there. “You really need to take this more seriously! What if your carelessness had gotten someone hurt? Then what, Lance? This isn’t a game anymore.”

Lance clenches his jaw tight to keep from spitting his rage out at the two, and everyone else who just sat there and watched. They all just watched. His eyes rolled over to Hunk, who continued to fondle with his shirt, and Lance felt empty.

He knows this is not a game... _he knows_.

“Don’t look at Hunk, Lance!” Allura points out accusedly, as though he were trying to mess something up again. “He isn’t going to help you this time! You really need to start working harder!”

Lance nods, his words failing him, hardly capable of escaping the caged confinement of his mouth.

“You understand, Lance?” Allura’s voice is a lot softer this time, and Lance returns it with a toothy grin.

“Of course, Princess.”

 

_-o-_

 

It’s only been a week and Lotor is now given full control of the castle, being able to use it to the aid of their battle more than Coran, who’s speciality still remained in engineering. Although, the altean hardly knew that the word meant.

Lance’s leg throbbed with pain that would explode with every step. He didn’t use the pods, as Pidge and Allura needed it more than him. Allura’s energy level dropped miles whenever she attempted to bond with _her_ lion. And Pidge...poor Pidge remained awake for nights, trying to alter the information they’d transmitted from the Galra chips, Lotor had provided them with.

Using the pods too often, would put the castle’s energy levels down, lowering their defences, and Lance wanted to wait until it was up to its best condition before fixing himself. Although, it was strange.

Lance didn’t _remember_ hurting his leg. He hurt his stomach, could see the bruise beginning to grow and swell...but strangely enough. It was not the source of the pain.

The sharp pain had begun only minutes before they’d started training, and last Lance had checked, there was no injury he’d seen on his legs before now.

The castle had long finished up with Red, as all the Lions had an automatic machine that fixed all ruined part or malfunctions.

He didn’t like the word fix or malfunction. Made it seem like there was something wrong with them and in a way there was. Maybe he was just thinking on this too hard. That must be it.

“Lance focus!”

Lance shot his eyes back up, and up to Pidge standing their with her tiny dagger in hand. Right! Training.

The robot lunged at them, and he took a step to the side to dodge the coming attack, but another shooting ripple of pain ripped up his ankle causing him to stumble on his feet and fall, bringing Pidge down along with him.

“Stop training!” a voice bellowed through the air, and Lance didn’t have to look up to know who it was. _It hurt._ “You have to start taking this more seriously, Lance!!”

Lance swallowed, trying not to let his feelings boil over the edge, and looked up to see Shiro. “I-I am taking this seriously!”

“How many times do you keep making excuses?!”

 _“I’M NOT!!_ ” he yelled back frustrated, anger welling up at the rim of his eyes.

“Do not talk back to me, Lance!!” Shiro growled, and sneered at him turning around. “Maybe a day in the training room will help you grow up a little. C’mon Pidge.”

The little gremlin looked around slightly confused and at loss of words. Lance filled in for her. “I HAVE BEEN TRAINING!!” he defended himself, not bothering to wait for Pidge to stand up for him. He knew Pidge wouldn’t. Not to Shiro.

“Well clearly not enough,” and with that Shiro walked out, silence filling the room like ink in water. Pidge gave him an uncertain look, before rushing out the door behind Shiro. The door closed with a slight woosh and a click, leaving Lance alone.

And he couldn’t breathe.

The tides crashing over him, refusing to let him breaking the surface. Torrents running down his cheeks in hot wet drops, and Lance broke apart. Crumbling on the floor of the training room. He was in the ocean.

Floating amidst it’s calm water, his weight sending ripples through the surface. The water so clear he could see the sand below, and he drifted. Farther and father, until he could no longer make out the sand waiting somewhere beneath his body.

A storm was growing in the distance, and the small ripples soon turned to violent tides, crashing and pulling him under. Drowning. The water filling his lungs as he trashed in a futile, agonizing fight. It didn’t matter how strong he was...the water would always be stronger...

_...and he would always be alone._

 

-o-

 

_‘...no, not alone...’_

Red’s mummers are like a blessing to Lance. They are like that small glimmer of light that all the poets back on Earth always talked about. You know...like “the light at the end of the tunnel” or cliched “light shines the brightest in the dark.”

Lance lets out a tired sigh, trying to crawl deeper into Red’s paws as though they could somehow trap him, keeping him away from the outside world. He didn’t bother going to dinner after his day of training. He didn’t want to look at them anymore. Their hateful gaze, and ignorant views. He didn’t like it here anymore...he missed his family. _He missed Keith._

“You know...at this rate, they might as well replace me with lo-fucking-turd,” Lance drawls raising a hand from his spot on the floor, trying to reach for her jaw. He gave it a small carase, before the lion grunted and moved her head off the the side. Makes sense. Keith didn’t like much contact either.

_‘Won’t let him in.’_

“You know it’s not my choice, right?” he mummers, smiling despite the sharp tugs at his chest. His stomach throbbed still. Lance had figured he would go to the healing pod after training with Pidge, but that was before Shiro had forced his entire day to be wasted away in training alone. Now, he just didn’t want to give them any other _excuses_.

 _‘It is MY choice.’_ Red thunders, her voice high and proud, leaving no room for argument in it. Lance shivered, bathing in her anger. The warmth enveloping him like a fire, growing and growing with each coming second. ‘ _My choice. Mine. Mine. Mine. MINE._ **_MINE!’_ **

Lance curled upon himself, snuggling closer to her chested plate. He didn’t mind the possessiveness. Welcomed it as it comforted him in a way that Blue had never done before.

“Neh...what would you do if they told me to leave?”

**_‘Tear them apart.’_ **

“Woah Woah...hold your horses, Red! As much as I love the attention, you can’t just tear my friends apart!” he chuckled, half joking as Red growled.

 _‘I am not laughing.’_ Red grumbled, a low snarl ripping out from her mouth.

Lance laughed, “As if you could.”

_‘You take that back.’_

“Nopety Nope nope~” Lance cooed. “No wonder you and Keith got along so well. All broody and emo.”

Red let out a loud huff, before raising her paw and squashing Lance under it, laying her head on top of her legs. “Hey! HEY RED?!”

Red didn’t bother replying keeping her hold on Lance tight, and switching the light for her eyes off, letting Lance know she wasn’t going to budge.

“Gods, you’re insufferable!! I swear if I wake up with a sore neck tomorrow, it’s all going to be your fault!!”

 

-o-

 

The coming morning, Lance woke up with pain in his neck. It was a dull throbbing that would turn to sharper with every turn of the neck. That’s the catch though. He _did._

But not anymore...the pain was gone in no less than an hour which was surprising for Lance, as muscle tensions didn’t go away that easily. Not within an hour at least.

“Neh...Red...you think I have some super fast healing powers or something?”

_‘No.’_

Lance pouted. “You’re no fun!” As much as Lance had wished for healing powers, he figured that were impossible, seeing that the unexplainable pain on his calf and ankle was still there from yesterday.

It was strange, but the thought slipped from Lance’s mind as fast as the muscle strain in his neck.

 

_-o-_

 

Today, he was hurt once again, and a part of him wondered whether it was his fault for not being strong enough or his team’s for muting his coms once again.

And no, Lance wasn’t delusional. The red velt growing at the back of his neck was no sketch. It was prominent, and barring out for everyone to see, only Lance covered it up with his classic green jacket, making sure not to take it off.

Not yet.

They...they wouldn’t listen.

**_‘WHO?! WHO DID THIS?!’_ **

Lance winced at the deafening roar. “Calm down, Red. It was...they muted my coms again...and I ran into a few grumpy ol’ furries on the way.”

**_‘You must tell the others.’_ **

“NO!” Lance shouted panicked. “You cannot tell them. They...they’ll think I’m making excuses. They will...they will think I’m weak.”

_‘They won’t!’_

“No,” Lance stood his ground. “They mute my comms, tell me I’m useless every single _fucking_ day, blame me for the missions...” Lance barked out a broken laugh. “They won’t think I’m making it up? _Goofball Mcgee_ complaining for some fucking attention? Let me get this through your thick-headed skull.. _.they want to get rid of me._ One reason. That’s all they need and they’ll kick me out of you, and not allow me back anywhere near you until they find a replacement and I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out to be Mr. Legolas back there.”

Lance glared at Red, defying her anger with a shield of his own. “So, you, listen to me. They aren’t going to “take care of me”. You know that as well as I do, so don’t you dare turn into those ignorant bastards of friends there. I’m not saying, I’m going to going to ‘not do anything’ about it. I mean... _have you met me?!_ ”

Red grunted in irritation. Lance knew he’d upset Red, but that didn’t mean that he would let Red go and do as she pleased. He wasn’t Keith, and the sooner Red learned that, the better.

“They don’t trust me...but that doesn’t mean that you don’t. I..no... _we_ will do this together. We’ll prove ourselves strong, okay? Prove that I’m no less than anyone else...show them my worth. I’ll show them I deserve to be on the team. That I _deserve_ to have you. Together...we’ll show them together.”

It was silent for a moment, before Red’s eyes lit up in a burning amber, promising nothing but destruction in its path. Lance stood tall with her. Their souls thundering in a calm tide, intermingling. The two locked eyes, and it was a promise. _Their promise._

 

_Together._

 

 

_-o-_

 

“While you were all catching up your lost energy, we came up with a mission,” Allura started, her voice slow and calm. “Now, this mission is unlike the others as this time you won’t be alone.”

“What do you mean, Allura?” Hunk asked nervously. His anxiety was higher than usual. Lance would have to try to take his mind off it after the meeting.

“Well...we will be going on a joint mission with the Blade of Marmora.”

“The marmorians?!” Hunks bluttered. “You mean, tall, emo, Keith-like people?!”

Allura let out a soft chuckle, a smile lighting her face. “Keith’s short, and no, not just Keith-like people.”

Lance’s eyes widened. Was the princess saying what he thought she was saying? No...no no no way. “ _KEITH’S COMING?!_ ” Lance sputtered. “Does that mea–”

His words were cut off with Pidge’s unexpected squeels, and Coran’s happy laughter. Hunk’s grin grew, the shaking in his hands coming to a halt, and Shiro let his lips curve to a small satisfied smile.

Lance had half the mind to finish his question. To as whether Keith’s return meant he would lose another lion. Lance didn’t think he could handle that, but he remained quiet, letting the others rejoice in a rare moment of joy.

Don’t get Lance wrong.

He was happy. He was so fucking happy with the news of Keith’s return, but the thought of losing Red...not after they had grown so close. Red wouldn’t just accept Keith and block Lance out, would she? There was no way...their bond was stronger than that.

Red was strong and Lance was strong. _Together..._ they were stronger.

Lance let his face relax, a smile grazing his lips. It was fine...he didn’t have to think about it for now. He looked around, and his eyes met Shiro and he gave a small smile, knowing he wouldn’t scumbug.

“Lance...” Shiro started, voice soft and impossibly apathetic. Lance smiled a bit more, hoping it would make Shiro feel guilty for ever think about such a thought. Hoped the guilt would eat at Shiro’s mind, until he apologized. “Allura has gotten such a strong bond with Blue, and they are working better than anyone of us combined..and with Keith back–”

“No.” Lance stated, the joy long gone from his voice.

“Why?!” Pidge screeched from her spot beside Allura. He gave her a cold look.

“Red is my lion now. She chose me... _not you. Not Shiro._ ”

Pidge sent him a glare from across the table, but Lance didn’t budge. “ _How can you be so selfish?_ ” she sneered, and Lance felt the rage spread like wildfire.

“Selfish?” Lance asked, raising an eyebrow mockingly. “Tell me, what about me...wanting to stay with _MY_ lion is selfish?! Had Shiro asked you to give up Green, would you?”

Pidge stayed quite, her fists tightening up in small fists.

“C’mon Pidge, it’s a simple yes or no question. Would you?”

“I wouldn't have to!” Pidge snapped, her voice raising higher.

Lance gulped, wondering if he should go further. Scared to find out whether his insecurities were really insecurities, or just bitter reality. “Why?” he whispered, daring them to speak he truth,

“Because, unlike you, I’m not _useless_.”

Lance grew quiet, lips plasted in a thin line, and Pidge had to slightest courtesy to show some remorse. She opened her mouth to speak, but paused at the whooshing of the door.

Lance whipped his head to the door, and with just one look, the tension escaped the room, flooding out and away from Lance.

At the door stood, classic 90s mullet, fingerless gloves and a scowl to complete the look.

Keith.

Lance let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, and his grim look turned to a relieved smile. _“Keith._ ”

“Lance,” Keith smiled, entering the room, his presence bringing a hope that Lance hadn’t felt in a long time. “Hey guys!”

The raven was wearing a black, skin tight suit, covered in Marmora armour and...and did he get taller?! Oh hell no. Nope nope no way!

Everyone rushed to hug Keith, and when they were done with their welcome back, Lance marched over to the raven, and pulled him away from the crowd. “Lance?” Keith scowled playfully, but Lance wasn’t having it.

He raised his hand, lining his hand from the top of keith head to his own. “No no no no!! NOOOOO” Lance wailed, raising his hand up in the air.

“What?” Keith snapped, slightly irritated.

“You grew taller!! What happened to your short stature? What happened to your cute size?!” Lance’s lips quivered slightly in an exaggerated shock.

Keith glared. “Why? Is that a problem?”

“YES!! Poor Pidgeon is going to be alone now.”

Laughter filled the air, and Pidge gave a small pout, forgetting about her previous words...but Lance didn’t forget. He remembered...or and he remembered it well.

“You’re insufferable, Lance!” Keith reached over to wrap his arms around him.

  


_You’ll know when that moment comes._

  


Lance gasped, as Keith’s arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him close into a hug. The touch electrifying, sending sparks of lightning through his veins.

The burning sensation washing through his neck and slowly diffusing out from his body. He knew the wound was still there. The wetness of the blood from under his bandage was still there, the feeling of the ripped open flesh on the back of his neck prominent, and rather uncomfortable.

But...it didn’t. Not anymore...it was..it didn’t...

 _“It doesn’t hurt,_ ” Lance whispered.

  


_That moment. You won’t do it alone. Promise me, Lance. Promise me! You’ll find someone. Share their pain. Share your pain and become each other’s support. Never alone, Lance. Never alone._

**_Never, Mama._ **

  



	2. He breathes

Lance awoke the next day, exhausted and completely defeated despite his full 8 hours of sleep. His muscles churned and ached with his every movement. Gods...this was a pain.

The burning sting on his left calf only grew more, and Lance couldn’t find a single plausible explanation for the pain. Pulling down his pajamas, he took a good look at his thigh, inspecting the flawless skin. No bruises, no cut, and most of all, no injury.

But the pain...the pain was _real._

Groaning, he forced himself out of his room, and into the common bathroom. It was still early, maybe 3-4 hours than their normal waking time. Lance just got used to waking up early, and then spending the rest of the day in Red, or training.

Lance looked at himself in the mirror expecting to see drooping eyes, worn out skin, but instead he was rewarded with a fresh, clean, and perfectly good-looking skin. No eyebags. No nothing.

Then why was Lance still so quizknacking tired?

He let out a tired sigh, shrugging his jacket off, and hanging it up on the hooks beside the door. Next he stripped himself of his turtleneck sweater. He’d worn the jacket in case there had been someone was awake in the halls, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

He turned to give himself one more look in the mirror and–

“AHHHHHH!!” Lance screamed, “Oh my god!! YOU GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK, MULLET!! What the hell, Keith?!”

Keith rolled his eyes, and proceeded to close the door behind him. “Uh...I’m going to take a shower?”

“Nope! I got here first! Wait your turn!” Lance sneered, holding his finger up accusingly.

“It’s a communal bathroom.”

“Well, I got here first!”

“There’s more than one shower!!”

“Oh, I see how it is, Mullet!” Lance cooed.

“What?”

“You’re just here to stare at my pretty face, and gorgeously hot body, aren’t ya, Mullet?” Lance wiggled his eyebrows a little, and gave a spin to exaggerate his point.

Keith’s face flushes a bright red and he opens his mouth to return a retort of his own, only to pause. His words falter halfway. “NO I–wait...” Keith pauses, his anger turning softer, hands reaching up for Lance.

Lance took a startled step back. “What are you doing?”

“No..just.. _what happened?_ ” Keith asked, his voice dropping to a hushed whisper. his gloved hands trailing closer to his neck, but Lance swatted them away.

“Nothing!” Lance snapped a little too fast. He didn’t want Keith to know. Not until he was sure that Keith believed him.

“Bullshit,” Keith grits out, “Let me see!”

“NO!” Lance pulls back from the reaching hands, but hardly fast enough. Keith grabs his arm, twisting it around, and practically half shoving Lance onto the bathroom sink. “Let go of me, you mullet!”

“Shut up, Lance,” Keith says, paying no mind to Lance’s complaints, instead reaching for the lousy job of bandages, and beginning to slowly tug them off. “Jesus Christ, Lance.”

Keith pulls away, looking rather worried and unsure about touching the wound. “Is it that bad?” Lance mutters.

“Yes, it’s that bad! Can’t you feel it?! I can practically _feel_ the pain even though it’s not even me who’s hurt,” Keith gapes.

”It doesn’t hurt,” Lance spoke, truthfully, because it didn’t. But his body...it ached with every small move, his calf thundering with sharp jolts of pain, but his neck...it didn’t hurt. “Not really.”

Keith gives him a confused look, but brushes it off. “Want me to bandage it for you?”

“No...I have to take a shower, and I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

 

_-o-_

 

Lance exited the shower, with a bathrobe on, and paused for a moment, watching Mr. 90s Mullet sit shirtless on the bench with his pants rolled up, revealing a wound, much like Lance’s but much _MUCH_ worse.

“Holly shit, Mullet. Woah Oh Okay! Stop right there, you goddamn hypocrite...did you even _clean_ the wound before putting dressing on it?”

Keith whipped his head around at the noise, half scowling at Lance. “Of course I did. I took a shower.”

“How have you survived this long in the Marmora all alone?”

“What do you mean?” Keith raised an eyebrow confused. Gods...this mullet was going to be the death of him.

“And you wanted to help me. Here...come with me and please don’t try arguing with me this time.”

“I’m not arg–” Keith started, but paused after realizing his mistake.

Lance led him out to his room, pulling out a first aid box, he’d found in the inferertary. Keith sat down at the edge of the bed, and Lance began his work, first looking a the deep wound. “This is a stab wound, Keith.”

Keith shrugged, “Yeah, so?”

“You shouldn’t be able to walk with this!!” Lance exclaimed. “Why aren’t you in the healing pods?!”

“Same reason you aren’t,” Keith defended himself, huffing.

Lance pouted, “Yeah..but this is a lot worse. It needs more attention.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Keith stated, digging daggers into Lance’s eyes. “You’re hurt. Don’t you even compare people’s injuries. No injury is more important than anyone else’s here.”

Lance blinked, almost unsure what to say. “I–I..let me get to this. It’ll probably need some stitching, so do you want me to get you some painkillers?”

“No...it doesn’t hurt,” Keith shrugged. “Just get on with it.”

Lance rolled his eyes, preparing a needle. He grabbed the alcohol swab, and placed it on the wound, rubbing the injury. Lance gapped slightly, feeling the burning sensation on his own leg grow. God damnit, Lance..now isn’t the time to worry about your own stupid phantom pain...just tend to Keith first.

He pressed the needle into the skin, wincing as though it had hurt him instead of Keith. Lance bit the inside of his cheek the entire time, stitching Keith’s wound up, and then covering it up in a big white patch. An altean technology, that apparently kept the wound clean and waterproof until it was healed, and also gave a colour indication for when the dressing should be changed.

Lance let out a pained sigh, the stinging burning through the entirety of his thigh.

“Now, shoo, Mullet. Go get some sleep or something,” his voice trembled, lips quivering, trying to keep himself from crying. It burned. Gods it burned SO bad. The fire growing from inside out, spitting rage and hollowing through his bones. He couldn’t understand how Keith was able to stay quiet with a stab injury! Hell, _he_ was crying for Keith.

“No.”

“ _No?!”_

“Not until, I treat your neck too. Let me do it.”

“Err...no?” Lance continued.

“I’m doing it!”

“Wait...Keith no...HEY! KEITH!! PUT ME DOWN, YOU IDIOT MULLET?! NO NO...GET OFF ME!!”

“Just shut up and trust me, Lance.”

 

-o-

 

Surprisingly enough, his neck didn’t hurt at all. Not when Keith did a lowly job of pouring alcohol over the broken skin, and definitely not when he wrapped the bandages as though trying to suffocate Lance under the bindings.

“Keith,” Lance choked out, when he didn’t recognise any movement from the raven behind him. A grunt followed, and Lance continued. “You ok back there, Mullet?”

He heard Keith suck a breath in, before backing his fingers away from Lance’s neck. “M’ fine.”

And with that, Keith was gone, leaving Lance alone and empty in the deafening quiet of his room. Strange. Keith did a lousy job of bandaging, but Lance found he didn’t mind, a small smile grazing his lips.

 

-o-

 

“Lance, we’ve talked about his...y-you can’t just _not_ return Keith’s lion,” Shiro spoke, the frustration dripping from his tongue.

“No,” Allura cut in, fingers fidgeting with her dress. Something that he’d never seen the Princess do before. She’s nervous, Lance notes. “I-I will give Blue back...and t-take my place in the castle. Lance is..the B-Blue palidan afterall.”

She looked down to her feet, and Lance could tell that Allura didn’t want to give Blue up, and he could understand, but she was too nice. Too caring to be selfish, like Lance. Who would ever want to give Blue up?

Shiro opened his mouth to speak, but Lance got to him before that. “No. Princess, I am not asking that you give up _YOUR_ lion for me. I am simply refusing to give up _MY_ lion. Please try to understan–”

“Understand what? Red isn’t your lion. You’re just being selfish at this point, Lance,” Pidge spoke, not bothering to look up from her computer.

“I wasn’t talking to you Pidge,” Lance replied coldly, brushing off her ignorant insults.

“You don’t talk to your team members like that, Lance,” Allura scolded, her eyes grateful, but words still filled with a bitterness that Lance had grown to hate.

“What about her?!” Lance asked in disbelief.

“This isn’t about Pidge–” Shiro started.

“Oh, but it is! It’s about how _biased_ you have _all_ become. I get that you don’t like me, but that doesn’t mean that you can treat me any different than them!”

“We are here to talk about the Red lion...not about Pidge.”

Lance looked away, swallowing the tears that threatened to slip. They were all... _so ignorant._ Not even Hunk had bothered to stay for the talk, instead making up an excuse to go cook dinner. He thought they were best friends. Together through thin and thick.

_Guess not._

“I’m not giving Red up,” Lance stood his ground, raising his chin the slightest. “I refuse to do so.”

“Y-you...Keith needs a lion!!”

_What about me?!_ Lance wanted to ask, but chose his words carefully. “He didn’t need one for the Blade of Marmora, and he doesn’t need one now either. If anything, we can co-pilot, but I am _not_ giving up Red.”

Shiro growled, and Lance almost flinched remembering last times lecture. No, he wouldn’t flinch. He wasn’t weak. He wasn’t... _he wasn’t._

  


_You’re so so strong, Lance._

  


He took in a sharp breath,and braced for Shiro’s next remark. “You’re weak, Lance! You never train, and you can hardly keep up with anyone else here. Keith is strong, and he will be more...useful...to Voltron.”

_Lance flinches._

“This isn’t your call anymore, Lance.”

Lance blinked, surprised by the tears slipping past his eyelashes. Allura moved to comfort him, but he pushed away from her hands, and stumbled back to the wall. Pidge raised her head from her computer at the commotion, and froze, unsure what to do.

Their voices turning sickeningly soft, and innocent. How dare they? How dare beat him down and then treat him as though he were glass. They didn’t _deserve_ that right. Didn’t deserve to comfort him, and definitely didn’t deserve to ask if he was ok.

They lost that right a long time ago.

“Lance–” the soft murmur of his best friend came from the door, who was holding a tray of odd looking blue cookies. “Are you–”

“SHUT UP!!” he roared, causing them to back up. “ _SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!_ You don’t get to ask me if I’m alright, because guess what? _I’m fucking fine!_ I’m doing great and it’s no thanks to any of you! AND YOU..”

Lance moved to place a finger of Shiro’s chest, pushing him back. “You... _you_ aren’t the one who chose Red for me, so don’t you dare fucking tell me whether or not it is my call or not! And as for Red being Keith’s lion, you’re fucking wrong! _YOU’RE ALL WRONG!!_ ”

His fingers shook, convulsing with terror. Heart beating too fast for his mind, and eyes wild. He was strong. So what if he cried once in a while..so what if he wasn’t couldn’t beat them in a one on one match. That didn’t matter. What mattered was that Red chose him. Him...and that wasn’t going to change anytime soon.

“Red is my lion. _Mine!_ SHE CHOSE ME! _ME!!_ NOT KEITH. NOT ALLURA. NOT YOU!! She’s mine and I will continue to pilot her until _she_ tells me otherwise and until then, _I_ am the Red Paladin.”

Lance glared at them, an ocean churning in his very eyes. The waves coming crashing down on all of them, pushing them under...

 

.. _.deeper..._

 

_...and..._

 

**_...deeper_...**

 

Let them drown. Let them struggle, and fight and lose. Even if he were to fall victim to the water, he would savour this moment above any. He hadn’t lost yet...he was fighting, and would continue to fight until his very last breath.

He wouldn’t give up...not that easily.

“How could you speak to Hunk and Shiro like that?!” Pidge wailed. “They haven’t done anything wrong!! Shiro is our leader!! He’s the paladin of the Black Lion!”

“So what if he is? So what if you are my team member? Tell me, have you ever even considered me an equal? Ever thought of me as a part of this so called team? Hell, you accepted Lotor faster than me,” Lance knows the words that were to follow were cruel, and disgusting on his part. He knows it’s wrong, and absolutely low, but the anger takes over, his rationality long forgotten. “Tell me, Princess. _Were you really that desperate?_ ”

“ENOUGH!” a voice bellowed through the common room, pulling shivers up Lance’s spine. Lance turned to the source of the noise, and gasped.  

“Keit–” he started, reaching out for the raven, only to be brushed aside.

“Don’t touch me,” the raven growled. “H-How could you talk to them like that?!”

“I-I wa–”

“No. You are only doing this to satisfy your selfish _selfish_ ego! I never wanted to take Red away from you, but I never thought you’d stoop so _low_. You can have Red!! You’re so inconsiderate! What? Did you think it was funny?” Keith barked. “Go on Lance. _ANSWER ME!!_ ”

Lance flinched back, ripping his eyes from the raven in disbelief. He knew what eh said was wrong...but what about the others? Why was he the only one who got looked down upon?

It was so... _unfair!_

“Don’t have an answer do you, Lance? That’s what I thought. I thought I could trust you, but you only ever think about _yourself_ , and no one else. Guess I was wrong. You really don’t _deserve_ to be a part of this team.”

Poison dripped from those spiteful words, and Lance drunk it up, wondering if it would be enough to be rid of him. Apparently not, because he was still there, looking at the ground in shock.

They...they didn’t listen to a single word he said. Didn’t hear any of the pain in his voice. Why was it that when Pidge..or Keith or Allura got angry it was okay? And when he blew open, they treated him differently.

  


_No one saw him._

  


“Leave, Lance.”

And Lance ran.

He ran till his legs turned to jelly, and collapsed underneath him, sending him crashing to the floor. He didn’t know where he was...and it didn’t matter.

They weren’t going to come after him, they weren’t going to look for him. “I’m sorry..I-I’m sorry,” he choked, not knowing what for. Maybe to Red for not being strong enough...or maybe to his mother.

 

_Never Alone, Lance. Never alone._

**_Never, Mama._ **

 

He’d promised, He’d promised, and he couldn’t even keep that. He was so alone. So alone, it hurt.

They didn’t see him...they didn’t..

And he couldn’t breathe. Lungs collapsing, refusing to let the air out, and the tension hurt. The pressure grew, his head throbbing in sync with the tears that poured free from his eyes like an open faucet.

He curled up on the cold floor, wrapping his arms around his shivering self, hoping it would keep him away from the outside world. He missed his mother. His brothers...his sisters.

They would’ve listened to him. His  _family_ would have tried to understand.

And as much as he thought of this team as his family, he couldn’t help but second guess whether this was family or not. Maybe they were a family and he was an inconvenient baggage that just so happened to come along.

Was it something he did? Was it the jokes? The annoying personality? The constant flirting?

It was like Keith said...he wasn’t a part of this team, and a part of him wondered if he ever was.

Lance sobbed, letting the frustration pour out in torrents of rain...and no one could hear him. Deep under the water...no one heard him.

He didn’t belong...didn’t belong, and just like that, shaking, and sobbing, Lance fell into a world of fabricated bliss, welcoming the abyss with open arms.

 

-o-

 

Lance awoke the next day, feeling like he’d gone days without sleep. And again, it was the same. No eye bags...no nothing...he was just so tired.

He apologized during breakfast. Apologized to Shiro and Allura and gave up his spot as the Red Paladin, dropping Keith’s bayard on the table in front of the leader. No one payed mind to him. No one said a word. From the corner of his eye, he could see Hunk struggling to stay quiet, but even he...didn’t mutter up the courage to say anything.

They’d known each other since childhood...did Hunk also think that he’d stooped too low? Swallowing, he muttered a small good morning, and walked out of the dining room, not bothering to grab the plate of goo that was never there.

He half ran to Red, the tears welling up in his eyes once again, as he entered her cockpit, feeling the warmth surround him once again. Tears poured from his eyes, and he sobbed, placing his head on the control panel in front of him.

“T-they don't want me, Red... _th-they don’t_..” the words stuck ont he stip on his tongue, suffocating him.

_‘Keith will..’_

Lance wiped his eyes, and shook his head violently. “No..no..Keith hates me. Keith h-hates me..”

_‘Impossible.’_

Lance let out a broken laugh. “What? Now you don’t believe me either? He told me I don’t _belong_ in this team...that I..was selfish..”

“And gods..I know I’m selfish Red, but I didn’t want to give you away. I didn’t want to lose someone again and I stood up for myself, but I was so selfish. So _so selfish_...I didn’t even think about Keith and Allura and I-I can’t be in the team anymore.”

**_‘No.’_ **

“They hate me...you know that, right? The looks they gave me today. They didn’t even talk to me...not a single word...not even Hunk. He didn’t even put a plate of food for me today. Hunk _hates_ me. They all hate me.”

“You know...months ago, Allura had called us her family, but now I wonder how much of that even applied to me. Maybe they weren’t even including me. I just-I’m just so _alone._ ”

Red roared in his mind, refusing to accept Keith as her paladin once again. Telling him that she wouldn’t let Keith in, but Lance shook his head.

“I know you miss him, Red...and I want to tell you, it’s okay. I know you want him, so it’s ok. Do not pity me, Red. I am not weak. I am strong. Mama even said so.”

“Besides, not being put into you all the time will give me time to train and become better. I can always just take the extra pods when they take you on for missions and try to improve on piloting.. I’ll start small..maybe get into one of small Galra ship, and go from there.”

“Or maybe...maybe I can talk to the Blade! They have connections! I-I can always join them or something.”

_‘To dangerous.’_

“You let Keith do it!!” Lance whined.

_‘Keith was not alone. The Marmora will not help you.’_

“But I will at least be of some use...”

_‘I won’t let Keith in.’_

“And the other’s won’t accept me as the red paladin.”

_‘It is my choice.’_

“Yes yes...but..think about Voltron, Red. They don’t listen to me...”

Red didn’t reply, and Lance felt the need to continue. “This is my choice, Red. I would never give you up, but this is for Voltron. If Black took one for Voltron by accepting that imposter from before, we can too...and we’ll..we’ll always be together, right? I’m not alone. I have you.” Lance tries.

_‘You are my paladin,’_ Red roars, and Lance nods, smiling.

“I am your paladin, and I will continue to be your paladin. A bayard does not _define_ me, and  don’t you dare let it define you. Let them have their bayards, I have you. And so what if Keith flies with you for the missions, he is my friend. I trust him,” Lance says, feeling pride overwhelm the pain. “So what if they don’t let me join them? If I am no longer part of their team, then I no longer need to follow their orders. Right?”

**_‘Together,’_ ** Red rumbles, leaving no argument in her voice, finally realizing what Lance was trying to say.

“Together.”

 

-o-

 

Days pass, and Lance no longer bothers to go to breakfast, or lunch...or dinner. He fills himself a huge plate of space goo for the day, and returns to the confinements of his room, trying to figure out whatever Galra technology Pidge had scraped away in the back storage.

It took awhile, but eventually Lance got the hang of how to make a radio transmitter and interrupter. Although, it couldn’t reach as far as Pidge’s he felt slightly accomplished. He had thought about borrowing Pidge’s, but knowing the gremlin, he would be accused of stealing rather than just borrowing.

He does, however, make himself a copy of Allura’s space map, making sure to have it updated every time the team have a meeting without him. It has everything, from coming missions to the Galra sites and bases. He planned it from there. Taking the map he’d obtained from Kolivan and attempting to put it together with the one he “borrowed” from the princess.

It wasn’t working though...nothing was wrong, and Lance wanted to claw his hair out in frustration. Was this how Pidge had felt when she was unable to find her brother? This anger gnawing at his bones, leaving them into nothing but a tattered mess of flesh.

Groaning, he collapsed onto the cold ground below, wondering if he should sleep now, or continue his research. Nothing was working. Nothing at all. He was so stupid. Not even being able to put two stupid fucking maps together.

He could go to sleep. Take a small nap, giving him time to breathe and in the quiet of the moment, Lance began humming, replaying a song he’d heard back on Earth. “ _My love...leave y-yourself behind.._ ” he sang in a hushed afraid of breaking the deafening silence. It was so quiet, and Lance had never felt so alone.

“ _...now I am strong..you gave m-me all..and now I am w-whole..._ ”

Lance thought about Red, remembering their promise. No, he wasn’t alone, just tired. Just tired. He had red. He wasn’t alone...and never would be

“... _my Love, leave yourself behind...beat inside me...my l-love..look what you can do-o-o._ ”

Lance was so much more. So what if they didn’t realize it yet. He’ll prove himself worthy.

“ _..to-onight...you will sle-eep for good..._ ”

He wanted to sleep and not wake up. Every breathing step and every sip of air, it was all so tiring. And as the dim of the lights flickered within his eyes, Lance closed his eyes, letting the blissful dark take over slowly...one by on–

**_BEEP!!! BEEP!! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!!_ **

Lance shot up from his spot on the floor in panic, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he reaching out for his suit, only to realize it wasn’t there. He choked on the the tears that bottled up in his neck.

And for the first time in months, Lance watched his team leave to fight the Galra without him. He listened quietly through the coms of his hemet, listening as they worked in such synchronicity, that made Lance’s heart boil with jealousy.

He heard Keith laugh with relief of being in his lion. He heard Allura’s scolding words and Pidge’s sarcastic remarks and Hunk’s sweet words and the poisoned words dripping from the black lion. Gods, he heard it all...and they couldn't hear him. Sobbing, and breaking down at the floor of his room, alone and submerged deep within the tides. They talked as though he hadn’t ever existed. Keith argued with Allura, and Hunk had his little talks of anxiety with Pidge. Hell, they’d even forgotten to mute his coms. Was he really that _replaceable?_

To the point where they’d already long moved on without him, not once bothering to check up on him even once in the past week. Lance wrapped his arms around his body listening closely to their every word. The fight...their breathing...their cries of pain and joy and he missed it. He missed it so much.

He forced himself into his bed, pulling his thin sheets up as though it could protect him from the pain. Helmet still tight on his head, and volume turned to a full high, Lance closed his eyes.

He was tired...and he just wanted to sleep.

And he did, slowly lulled into a bittersweet dream shrouded in the voices of his friends, ringing through his ears.

 

-o-

 

“Hey Pidge, you think I can borrow your cloaking device for a while?” Lance tries, wondering the younger would reply, but she only grunted in return.

“Is that a yes?”

“Leave me alone, Lance!” she snaps hardly bothering to lift her head from her laptop. “I’m trying to work on something!”

That stung.

More than it would have a few weeks ago. Maybe it was the long periods of silence that still lingered in the back of his mind that changed that.

“But can I still have your cloaking device?” Lance whined. “Pleaaaseeeee!!”

“Ok ok..whatever. Just go.”

Lance smiled pleased, and made a grab for the metal box that lay discarded in the pile of wires by her desk. Fairy lights were strung up along the side of her bed, with posters that she’d gotten from the Space mall.

It was homey, and Lance figured he ought to decorate his own room too, rather than leaving it all blank and cold. Maybe it would help him feel less alone.

Lance paused at the door, muttering a small ‘bye’ before leaving wondering if Pidge had even heard him at all.

 

-o-

 

No one asks where he is, no one comes to find him, no one tells him how the mission went or what information they obtained and he tries not to blame them. Missions were tiring, and often times than not, they would get injured.

Besides, it only justifies his own actions. If they didn’t feel the need to tell him about _their_ missions, he didn’t need to tell them about _his_ missions.

He pushes his pitiful self off the floor, and stands tall, chin raised and eyes stern in defiance. He wasn’t weak. Red and Lance had made a promise. This was no time to cry, or mope over how unfair his life is.

Life is not fair.

It was an inconvenient truth, but it gave Lance a drive for equality. A strive to be better and prove to his team that he wasn’t useless. A goal. He wanted them to feel sorry. To apologize for their actions, and he knew it was selfish.

But it didn’t. Let his pain fuel his motivation. Let it make him stronger, faster... _better._

_Life wasn’t fair_ , but he was going to fucking prove them all wrong. For month, he had been clinging onto their sleeves, begging for a spot beside them, and now he feels himself break through the surface of the water.

He welcomes the air, breathing in the warmth of the open sky, and finally lets go, their sleeves fading away with the tides...

_...and he breathes and he breathes...and breathes.._

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to upload this next week, but I'm an impatient person, so yeah...new update!! It's kinda long, so sorry about that. Also, pls don't hate Keith too much...he just entered the room at the wrong time, and Lance said some bad stuff he shouldn't have. I didn't want Lance not be this perfect character so I added some parts that make him wrong as well. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you everyone for reading, and for the suggestions you left in the last chapter. I will be sure to use them, but there is still more angst to come, and Lance is a strong boy. He's gonna prove them all wrong!
> 
> See a mistake? Tell me! Both criticism and suggestions for the plot are greatly appreciated!


	3. Bargaining.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance makes a bargain Lotor can't refuse.

It isn’t long before they begin to talk to him again. Hunk came first, and though Lance is mad, he can’t put it in himself to hate his friend. His friend who once understood, and is now conflicted. Lance smiles, they play video games, eat Hunk’s parody of Cinnamon rolls, and that is that.

Pidge and Lance seem to have this gradual reconciliation. He hides her laptops to get her to go to sleep, and she seems to love taunting him every now and then. Bitter words soon turned to pranks and teasing. He supposed it worked, btu he doesn’t apologize. Isn’t sure why he should. What he had done wrong.

He apologized to Allura though, and she understood as much as she could. Giving away a lion is difficult, but what did Allura know? It’s not like she would have ever been forced to give up her lion. She was better, the true leader of all of them. She would have never even be on the list of being evicted, and a part of Lance wondered why he was on that list. Was he...not _good enough_ for them?

That had to be it, because what surprised Lance after, was Shiro coming to to his room to apologize. Lance wanted to laugh. Shiro said he understood, he _understands,_ but fuck he doesn’t understand shit. Lance doesn’t know why he’s angry. It’s not as though he is any different. Just like Shiro, he had also apologized to Allura in a sick way of making the guilt go away. But he’s angry...and for the moment he’s more than okay with that.

He doesn’t let Shiro know he’s angry though. Prompts a more meek look, saying ‘it was okay, it had to be done.’ And so it continues. His relationships with Coran seems to be the only thread of stability keeping him from running away altogether. They understood one another, and though they never dug too deep in one anothers matters, they understood. And Lance supposed that was all that should matter.

But Keith–

Keith is a different story. Lance can’t even force himself to look the raven in the eye, and he isn’t sure why.

He avoids him every corner. Turning around the moment his eyes caught a glimpse of the mullet. Takes his showers at night, and eats his meals earlier than everyone else...all because of this one person.

It was infuriating. Annoying even.

“Reeedddd,” Lance whined, flopping down onto the metal platform, and rubbed his head in pain. “It huurttsss–”

 _‘Hurts?’_ Red questions. _‘I warned you to be more careful out there–’_

“No,” he interrupts. “I didn’t hurt my head”

That was not a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either. He hadn’t hurt his head, he had hurt his arm, which still bore the bruising from the impact. His body wasn’t functioning properly. He gets hurt one place, but feels the pain elsewhere, sometimes not feeling ti al all, and often times than not, it’s a hassle.

He’d be out in the pods, and out of nowhere, pain would begin to blossom up some random fucking apart of his body. He supposed it didn’t matter. Pain was all in the mind. He remembered learning that back on earth. It hurts, but only in your head, some system in the brain which tells you, “you fucked up.” It seemed his was broken.

“I’m booooreddd, Red,” Lance whines, holding his hands up in front of him, watching the lion through the small gaps of his fingers as he spread them and closed them again. He can feel her looking down upon him, but she doesn’t reply, only acknowledges his presence and for now that seemed more than enough for Lance.

The others don’t even see him in the same room anymore, and he laughs at how the tables had turned. When Keith first got Red, he was also the one that no one saw, but Lance tried. Made fun of him, so the poor awkward mullet would speak up and maybe yell back. Anything to get the other to open up and _speak._ Just speak, and Lance _swore_ he would listen. He would listen to their every word without ever shutting them down. He would..he would. He promised so shouldn’t that be enough? Was it too hard for them to trust to him?

He feels a bit like the Keith from back then, only this time there had been no-one to try to pull him out of this small bubble. No one to make fun of him, and gods, how he wished for that.

He missed his mother. The one who would hold him close at night never let him be cold again. His brothers, who would tease him and his sisters, who’d probably kick his ass when he got home.

It was cold in space. So very cold, and now Lance seemed to have forgotten the warmth. It felt so far away, the memory no more than a small drop in a vast deep blue ocean. He stretches his fingers out in front of his face, watching the gleam light from Red’s eyes began to seep in through the larger gap, piercing his eyes.

“Well,” Lance yawns, sitting up and stretching his arms behind him. “They should be asleep by now, and I’m pretty fucking sure Mullet has finished his masochist training session...like holy fuck, you need to get him to tone down with all that fighting you know? Not good for the mind and all.”

He feels a small vibration run through him and he smiles at Red, before giving a small wink. He blew her a kiss, and walked away, soaking the loneliness that came with entering the blank hallways.

The door shut behind him and before him was the long white halls, illuminated by the soft blue lights on the edges. His steps sounded far too loud, and Lance didn’t realize how much he missed having someone around. He shrugged it off, plugging his headphones in to his ears, drowning the silence with the symphony that poured out from his phone, and it reminded him of home.

Gave him hope for better, and more.

He smiled in triumph and raised his chin high, walking off to the training room. And no, he was not turning into Keith. He wasn’t going to go train his ass off, he was just going to _borrow_ a few weapons is all.

He couldn’t face the galra without anything but his bare hands, hell, they’d break him in two with one punch. His feet ache, and although Lance doesn’t know why he doesn’t linger on it, only rushes towards the training room. The door slides open, and Lance walks in, heading straight for the control panel.

Clicking a few buttons, a panel slipped out form the white walls. He looks at the weapons lined against the panel, each gleaming with ill-intent. He made a grab for the sniper, fingers sliding up the cool metal and it felt home.

Lance was going to leave, when he took note of a small sword that was hung up on the corner somewhere. It was thin, handle slightly broad fitting nicely in his palm. Pale blue streaks ran up the blade, and Lance didn’t think twice before taking the satchel and tying it around his waist.

If he was going to become all lone wolf, might as well do it how the Mullet had done. Afterall, he did it pretty well too. Held the lone wolf title for a good five years, and now Lance was going to steal it away.

The walk to the spare hanger was long. The new suit felt tight against his skin. It was a sleek black, and without the usual bulky armor that Red’s suit had. He had also gotten a new helmet. And fuck was it baddass cool. Pale blue streaks of light ran along it’s crevasse and the glass of his headset seems to be a one way glass. He could see out, but peering inside seemed impossible.

The helmet clicks onto the suit and Lance can’t help but feel like batman, and boy this is going to be so fucking cool. He’s going to go and fucking do this shit and shove it in _his_ –no _the_ team’s face.

He steps into the pod. It’s new but familiar. The inside was small, smaller than red, but he supposed it had its advantages.

He’d painted the outer cover of the ship with black hoping to have it camouflage with the space around it, and even added a thermal controller. Making it seem as though the heat of the machine were the same as its environment.

And in worst cases, he also had Pidge’s old cloaking device.

In all, he was mostly invisible. Could get in and out with what he needed without causing too much chaos.

He gave a whoop of triumph, grinning widely. The childness of the act drowned out in the music making it seem a lot less lonely than it really was. He sat down on the seat, heart beating, thundering against his chest.

This was his first mission alone. All alone. Before he had his coms and Red...now it was just him. He was standing on his own two feet without having to hold their hands. And soon he’d begin walking. And then running.

He’d be running so fast and so far, they’d never be able to catch up to him.

 

_-o-_

 

And so protocol become Batman began.

One after another, he’d infiltrate small Galra ships, rescue the prisoners, and drop them off at the planet he knew Voltron would visit.

Lance knew it wasn’t right to sneak in on their meetings or to peep into the maps and mission plans, but it wasn’t as though he was hurting them. He was only helping and even though it was one small step at a time, it was something.

And something was better than nothing.

His first mission was probably a mistake, btu he supposed it could also be a learning lesson. Perhaps it was the fact that he accidentally set off the alarms or keeping his headphones in. It took awhile to figure out how to deal with being alone out in the vast universe. Lance was not one to be quiet.

He enjoyed the loud laughter and voices filling around him. It seemed odd without Pidge’s whining voice screeching through his coms and Allura’s scolding. He missed Hunk’s nervous wrecks and Shiro ordering them around.

Now, he had too much control, too much freedom. Doubting his every step, and having no one to watch his back he felt...vulnerable.

Lance knew he could not afford mistakes, and maybe that was what kept him going. If he got caught, captured...he knew it would not end well for the team. And although they had their differences, he _knew_ they would go at any lengths to get him back.

And that was why he could not afford mistakes. He couldn’t become an anchor, holding them back had he been weak as they claimed. He had to be their mistake. The mistake that they would come to regret losing, not an anchor.

So when the first soldier came lunging at him, he fought back with everything, his injuries forgotten and adrenaline pumping through his veins. Fought until they all lay unconscious on the floor, and he ran into the open without a care. Slashing his play sword around and about until he won.

He opened every door, shot open the locks and cells releasing every prisoner he could find...which was only about five people but hey! Five people rescued meant a lot, especially for his first solo mission.

He’d dropped them off on a nearby planet, one he knew was free from galra control. They looked grateful. Delighted and tearful when he exclaimed he’d come back to drop them off to their families.

Lance knew it was a foolish decision. To promise returning them to their families was a stretch, but he knew how it felt. To be separated, alone with no knowledge about your loved ones.

“Mister! Mister!” a voice called out, and Lance looked down to see a young child. Purple skinned, with rings of gold for eyes. “What is your name?”

What...was his name? Well, he supposed he wasn’t Lance, at least not now...and he certainly wasn’t a paladin anymore. Not after Keith told him to leave.

“ _It doesn’t matter,_ ” he says, softly And it doesn’t. It doesn’t matter. Not one bit. This wasn’t some cry for attention. Wasn’t to get his name out there, or to be seen. Lance simple wanted to prove them wrong.

To show them he wasn’t weak.

But the girl doesn’t let up. She speaks. Speaks all the unspoken secrets her wide golden eyes have seen, the whispers the prison walls spoke, and he drinks every word. He might have only saved five prisoners, but he has uncovered a century's worth of secrets.

And he wouldn’t let their stupid fucking bayards and colours tell him who he was, or define his destiny. This wasn’t Allura’s story to write. Wasn’t up to Shiro to tell him it when it ends. It was his.

And only he would decide how it ends.

Only him.

 

_And this was not his end._

 

_-o-_

 

Lance’s first move when he got back to the castle, was to take a long hot shower. It wasn’t until he was almost done showering did he notice the large bruises covering the mass of his hand. The shape of the swords handle dug deep into his skin.

He remembered gripping the weapon to dear life, not daring to let go of it. It was the only thing he trusted, knew it would wield to his wishes, but only as long as it were in his hand, and so he’d held it until it _hurt_.

Only there was no pain...nothing in his body that told him, ‘you fucked up’ only the visual marks.

His palm now a swirl of red and purples mixed with some greens. He winced at the sight of it, poking at it softly to see if he would feel anything...and nothing.

Felt as though it were numb, and he groaned unsure if he should be happy for this physical defect or feel annoyed at the fact he wouldn’t even know if he ever stabbed or brutally punched. Hell he could bleed to death and not even know...but then again, this had its perks.

He felt this surge of energy that he didn’t know he had, like he’d unlocked some door, opening his third eye and all that shit.

And grinning like a mad fool, he clenched his hands together, digging his fingers into the flesh of his palm. He felt...powerful.

And yet so alone.

He was so fucking alone. Hadn’t talked to Hunk in five days, and the only conversation e ever gets with Pidge is when he’s forcing her to sleep. Allura over-works herself and Shiro wakes up from constant nightmares every night. He knows this because he sees them walk down the hall in the middle of the night, claiming for a glass of water, only to make their way to the opposite direction from the kitchen.

He feels bad for them, but it doesn’t quench his anger. It doesn’t ease his screams for fairness. And he welcomes the silence, seeing it as his only option.

His only salvation seemed to be Coran, who was now gone, away on a mission to get some sort of stone that Lance couldn’t seem to remember.

 

-o-

 

Lance didn’t go to dinner that day, instead made him way up to the dome. It was the top of the castle, with all the walls as windows, giving you a clear view of the outside. He liked that place. Gave him peace in this unbearable silence.

And he sat there, for how long, he does not know, but he isn’t alone for long. _Lot-fucking-turd_ waltz his way in through the door like he fucking owned the place.

“ _Go away,_ ” Lance groans, wanting to be left alone. He doesn’t want to move...doesn’t want to sleep or stay awake, just lays there on the floor, looking up at the passing stars. He doesn't want to deal with this right now. Maybe tomorrow...but not today.

He feels the alien sit down beside him, and Lance glares at the other. “I said go away!”

“I’m afraid I’m not inclined to take orders from you, red paladin,” the prince’s voice is strangely soft. Odd for someone of his stature and nature.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Call you what? Red Paladin?” Lotor asks confused, and Lance gives a weak nod.

“Yeah, haven’t you heard? I’m not a paladin anymore! I was never a paladin. Just a fucking _replacement.”_ Lance mumbles, feeling oddly cold.

He doesn’t know why he’s talking to Lotor. Maybe it’s because he was listening. He was listening, and for the moment, Lance couldn't ask for more. “You know, when I first got Blue. It felt amazing. I felt like...I was worth something. Back in garrison. I only became a fighter pilot because Kieth dropped out. Was a replacement for him. And then I was just place holder for Blue, before Allura claimed her rightful spot...and then..”

“...then I got Red. I got Red, and she took me in. Told me she _chose_ me. Not because Keith left...but because she wanted me...and then..then they tell me to leave.  I wouldn’t have minded leaving Red if they had shown at least a little bit of pain or guilt. But they said it so easily. It was so _easy_ for them to replace me. _So easy_. I guess I just didn’t want the only place I had on this team to be taken away and I’m sorry if that offended them somehow.”

“I’m sure they still care for you, _Lance.”_

“Well I don’t fucking see it. They don’t even... _talk_ to me anymore. And it’s..it’s so quiet,” Lance chokes, cheeks wet, the tears dripping silently off to the side. “ _It’s so quiet._ ”

“I see, they have wronged you then?” Lotor asks, not choosing a side, just questioning. He's mocking him, and Lance knows it. But only in Legolas knew what was coming for him.

Lance lets out a chuckle. “Nah....fuck that shit. They can’t wrong me if I don't mean anything to them. I don’t need them anymore. Don’t need Shiro’s approval, or Allura’s orders. I don’t have to listen to anything they say. They kicked me out...so I guess their rules don't apply to me.”

“I’m afraid I do not understand.”

“You don’t have to. I’m not asking you to, but maybe...you could help?” he looked at the alien, smirking softly.

“And why would I do that?” Lotor challenges, eyes narrowed.

Lance hums, pretending to ponder for a moment. “You don’t have to, but you know...it would just be _so sad_ to have Allura find out about your _small_ little secret.”

Lotor stiffened, and Lance grinned knowing he’d hit the jackpot. “I don’t like you, and frankly I don’t trust you either. It seems really odd that a renowned Galran prince would defect from his position as heir. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“I don–”

Lance cut him off. “ _Ah ah ah_...don’t lie to me. You know, you really should have left when I asked you to, but you didn’t. So I guess you brought this upon yourself. I know everything and I know you saw me leave the castle on that black pod. And if you wish to use that against me, by all means _go ahead._ They already hate me enough, you won’t really make much of a difference.”

Lotor looks down onto the floor, and Lance sighs. “Look, I'm not trying to be an ass, but I need your help here. I know what you are looking for, and I can help you find it, but in return you have to help me.”

“How do I know you will keep your end of the bargain?”

“Well, you can rest assured I won’t be discarding of you the second I get what I want. I’ve had enough people do that to me, and you can rest assured I’ll keep my end of the bargain. I’m the best bet you have. I can leave and enter the castle without being questioned which you can’t.”

Lotor stays quiet clenching his jaw tightly. He turns to look at Lance, who smiles in return.

“I will find the white lion,” Lance promises, “And in return...you will tell me the location of Matt Holt, or better known as the rebel leader, _Fisheye._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, but I've been busy with my other stories and mid terms. Yeah..the next chapter will probably also be a late update, but I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Not much Keith and lance interaction in this...I promise there will be a lot more in the next chapter. 
> 
> But yeah.  
> Let me know what you guys think! Any suggestions for the plot or criticism is greatly appreciated! And thank you everyone for being so patient with my updating.


	4. Bitter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure criticism without resentment." – Elbert Hubbard

“You’re so... _hopeless.”_

Lance glares at the tall stick of shit standing up on the platform above looking down on Lance’s fight. He lay panting under the robot’s plastic spear. He growls, swiping his sword to the left to push the robot’s weapon off the side as he pushed up off the ground and went in for a lunge, his sword plunging through the fighting machine. It crackled for a few minutes, staggering and trembling before it crumbled and became one with the floor once again.

He grinned proudly, bowing at the prince mockingly. “That good enough for you.”

“No.”

 _“No?!”_ Lance sputters. He’s angry, the red pulsing through his veins, and his teeth beginning to clench together. “I have been training for _days!”_

“And it’s hardly enough,” Lotor states calmly, jumping off the railing landing gently on the white floor beside Lance. “You’re only at level 50.”

“Only?! I’ve moved twenty higher in a weeks time!” he complained. “I don’t see you doing anything.”

“That’s because I don’t have to, now watch.” the prince drawls, making his way towards the center of the training ground. “Start level 50.”

_‘Starting level 50 in three..’_

The Galran didn’t move as a new machine popped up from behind him. It had the same spear that had been held up to Lance’s neck not to long ago. A part of Lance wanted to warn the other that his enemy was behind him, but his arrogance kept his mouth shut. Let’s see how great Lo- _fucking_ -turd really is.

_‘Two...’_

The machine began silently towards the centre, all the while Lotor oblivious to the approaching enemy.

_‘One...’_

It gained speed, approaching closer with each growing moment, and yet Lotorhad yet to raw his weapon out. For a moment Lance figured Lotor.exe had stopped working. The enemy now merely a meter away, and Lance had already deemed the victor of this fight. There was no way...now way the galran prince could win now. No w–

_‘...Begin.’_

Lance gasps watching a gleaming sword slice through the machine and he sees blue. The enemy’s head rolls down to his feet, it’s colourless eyes looking up at him, betrayed. As though it had no time to dwell upon the fact that it had lost the fight before it had even begun.

Lotor looks unfazed as he conceals his sword back into its casing.

“This is level 50. The same level that took you hours to overcome, _barely_ at that. Your team excels with the sword. Ahead of you by at least seventy. At the rate where you are, you’ll hardly last a minute against a trained galra soldier.” The words are cold, hollow doused in bitter honestly, and for the first time Lance begins to understand why Shiro had left him in the training room alone for days on end.

“Why can’t you just tell me where Fisheye is? I’m holding my end of the bargain, why aren’t you holding out yours?” Lance asks accusingly, ignoring the hurtful words with an anger of his own. It’s been seven days. Seven fucking days he’s done nothing but sit back and watch as his team goes off to who knows where.

 _“_ Because you are _weak,_ and I will _not_ put my trust into someone who’s not strong enough to be a match for me,” words spill from the prince’s mouth as easily as bullets. “You say you want to find the leader of Fisheye, well you’re not _worthy_ enough to find him.”

And Lance sees fire, engulfing his vision.  “Oh, _Fuck you!”_ he sneers bitterly.

“I see,” Lotor hums, disappointed. “I’ll be leaving now. You can come find me when you're over this blind ignorance of yours, and _then_ I will decide whether you are worthy enough or not.”

With that the Galran prince leaves, the door closing behind him with a deafening echo, and Lance screams, his rage trapped within these ever-so-sweet white walls.

 

_-o-_

 

Lance’s words repeated in Keith’s head like a broken record on repeat. He was confused. What had happened during the time he was away. He sat around the dining table, staring at Lance’s empty seat beside him. His hand trembled, a burning pain pulsing from his wrist up to the tip of his fingertips, but he supposed that hardly mattered.

Not after what the events that had unfolded weeks ago. And although it had been a month, it felt as early as yesterday.

Had no one noticed his absence? They all seemed to be casually talking without a care in the world..and Keith was starting to see it. Despite being the loudest in the room, Lance seemed to be the most invisible.

Chatter filled the room, and Keith couldn’t find himself listening to any of it.

“Where is Lance?” he muttered after a while, staring down at his untouched plate.

The chatter came down to a slow halt. “I’m sorry, what was that Keith?” Allura’s voice came from the other side of the table.

“ _Where._ Is. Lance?” he repeated louder this time staring at the Princess.

Silence filled the room, and Keith clenched his aching fists, frustrated. Why were they so quiet?! It didn’t make...sense. They should know where he is. He should be here in the hall with them...eating and annoying the shit out of all of them.

“We asked him to come, but he said he’d already eaten,” Pidge says from the corner of his eye. “He was in his room playing video games like he alw–”

 _“Don’t fucking lie to me!_ ” Keith snaps, smacking his fists on the table, strangely enough, not irritating the pain for the worse. There was no way Lance would be playing video games right now. Not after he had dropped the bayard infront of Shiro, surrendering his spot as a paladin of Voltron. He’d see the look of utter defeat on the Cuban. And it haunted Keith since. There was no way. “You’ve been telling me this bullshit _every fucking da–”_

“Watch your tone, Keith,” Shiro scolds, but Keith sneers back in return.

“Not now, Shiro. _Why_ is Lance not here?”

There is silence, and Keith supposed that was the only answer he needed. He stood up from his seat, ignoring their calls. “I am going to get Lance and anyone has a fucking problem, they can come and explain to me why.”

He makes his way to Lance’s room, knocking on the metal coverage and waiting for an answer. Except he never gets one. “Lance?” he calls. The door slides open, but it’s empty. The bed neatly made, and the gaming console tucked away on the shelf to the right.

He makes his way around the castle, calling out the cuban but with no response back. It was empty. Everything was empty. And soon his worried steps turning to outright sprinting, making his way from room to room, calling his name out but with no response back.

Where the fuc–

 _“Keith?”_ he hears a confused pant from behind him, and he whips around to see a sweaty-drenched and almost angry Lance.

“Where were you?” Keith demanded, glaring daggers into Lance, who merely looked up weakly. “I looked _everywhere!_ The hangers, the lobby, kitchen, your room, and Red and Blue, t-the training room. _Where the hell we–”_

“–why would I be with Blue and Red? _”_ Lance interrupted, looking Keith directly in the eye.

“W-what?! I–”

Lance shook his head, looking back down. “I’m not their paladin anymore.” And with that he walked past Keith, not bothering to look back once. _“You all made sure of that.”_

“Wait!” Keith called out. _“Fucking wai–”_

There seemed to be no stopping Lance, but then again, Keith was known for being stubborn. Lance is not angry, Keith can see that. He is bitter, and that’s worse isn’t it? Angry goes away, but bitter lasts. Stays until the very end.

Keith knows. Because he feels it to this day. The sour taste for revenge gnawing at his bones, and he wonders if it is the same for Lance. The burning rage pulsing at the brink of his skin, threatening to pour and bleed onto all those around him.

“Why are you so _angry?!_ ” he cries out confused, because this wasn’t Lance. Sure, Lance got angry, but never vengeful. Never bitter, and never so merciless.

The cuban pauses, his steps faltering as he turned around. “You tell me,” he challenges. “Why _wouldn’t_ I be angry?”

 _“It’s just a lion!”_ Lance clenches his teeth at the words, and Keith feels the need to backtrack it a little. “I just...I miss you, _okay?_ I’ll be leaving soon..so until then, lets just–”

Teach me,” Lance snapped, head snapping back to the raven.

“I–sorry... _what?”_

Lance steps closer, the anger withering down, with a more hopeful look in his eyes. “Teach me! To fight, that is. I’m no good with a sword, so...teach me. In return I’ll teach you how to shoot a gun.”

But it hurts, Keith wants to say. The fingertips of his burning hand trembling, unable to fold into a fist. “Okay,” he blutters out instead. “I’ll teach you, bu–” _I’m hurt._

Lance smiles and Keith’s words cut short, the letters stuck in the small of his throat. A little pain never hurt no one, Keith supposed, and he hasn’t seen the cuban smile in a while. He grins slightly, the pain long forgotten they make their way down the hall to the training room.

The cuban stands tall before him. Prouder than Keith had ever seen him, and he wonders what changed. He walks quickly passing Keith, not once glancing back to the ones he was leaving behind.

And for the first time, it seemed that Keith was the one being left behind.

 

-o-

 

“Again!” Lance cried out, breath short and body hunched over weakly. _“Again!”_

“No,” Keith says, gritting his teeth. “That’s enough. You’ll burn out, if you go any longer.”

They’d been training for hours now, and Keith’s entire arm convulsed with pain. His hand struggled to grip onto the sword, while Lance’s never loosened. His grip tight and desperate, but even Keith could see the other needed a break. Maybe even more than Keith.

 _“Don’t fucking order me around!_ In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not part of your pathetic team anymo–” Lance snapped, lunging forward again with the sword, but he only made it halfway, before his body fell forward, the ground rushing in quickly. And Lance fell, lay crumpled and limp on the cold marble floor.

It wasn’t until he noticed Lance wasn’t trying to get up, did Keith get worried. The sword fell from his hands, forgotten on the floor as he rushed towards the cuban. “Lance?! _Lance!_ ”

Keith sighed, pulling the cuban onto his back, pulling his arm around his shoulder in a weak attempt to carry the cuban back to his room. _“Fucking idiot,”_ he grumbled, dragging the boy back off to the side, before dropping down next to him.

He pulled Lance’s hand off his shoulder, wincing slightly, before letting the cuban rest of the floor beside him. It’s odd. Lance changed. Everyone has changed. Allura became drowned in her work, while all Shiro seemed to do was follow his mission. Pidge has her head stuck in her laptop, Hunk spending his time cooking but never eating a single bite, and Coran. He missed Coran. The old man had left on some mission to get supplies, and was yet to return.

And Keith. Keith feels alone.

His family breaking apart slowly, all of them warped in their own minds, not bothering to look around. He supposed he’d changed too. He was never one to think so deeply or nationally. Usually followed the anger that bubbled in his stomach and his gut-instinct, but it seemed that was not what his team needed now.

He looked down on the cuban beside him, the brown hair slightly longer...lighter, and Keith swore in a couple months it would become a mullet much like his own. And as if almost to confirm that fact, the gloves Lance wore only proved he was becoming more like Keith by every passing day. Maybe Keith should tease him about it later. Add some life back into this... _shitshow._

He grabs Lance’s hand, feeling a sting run up his palm as he examined the other’s hand. The gloves were new, maybe Lance had bought them during his time away. He was about to let go of the hand when he noticed a trail of blue leading down his wrist.

Keith frowned, peeling the glove off the slim hand. He froze, eyes wide, looking at the horror before him. Lance’s hand bloodied painted with swirls of a hundred shades of blue, green and purple. He gasped, prodding at the hand softly.

Keith swallowed, not angry, more _...afraid._

Lance hardly reacted to the pain, Keith had seen his grip his sword with that hand without as much as a flinch, and as he looked down on his own pale, unmarked hand, he felt sick. This sort of shit didn’t happen, but then again, neither did the Galra. Neither did flying war robot lions, and yet here he was.

“Fuck,” he cursed bangling his head back on the wall behind him, squeezing Lance’s hand once again to make sure he was just hallucinating. Lance shifted slightly, letting out a small grunt, and a part of Keith hoped this was all a dream.

Gods, he should've known back when he’d seen Lance’s injury on his neck, and when the cuban kept complaining when he’d been sewing up his leg.

“How’d this even happen?” he whispers to the sleeping figure, softly brushing his thumb on the other’s hand and it all suddenly made sense.

The sudden burst of energy to his body drained of everything. The random blooming of pains and numbness to his own injuries. This complicated things. So many things.

What was the cuban even doing to get his hand up in such a mangled state. Punching a wall? Keith did that, but it seemed he couldn’t do that now, because if his theory was right, if he got injured, Lance would feel it. He groaned, pushing his head in his hands.

Why now of all times. _Why now?_

He could tell–no...he wouldn’t tell Lance. Not until he figured out what was wrong. For now all he could do was drag Lance’s body down to the pods, locking the boy in for at least 4 hours. Long enough to fix that fucked up-hand, and maybe allow Keith some time to...reflect on this new situation.

On second thought, he stepped into the pod beside Lance. It was annoying. Forced Keith to take care of himself if he wanted Lance up and health. Would he have to sleep earlier too? What a pain, he thought, closing his eyes letting the pod take over, pulling him into a deep sleep.

And as the dark closed, a small part of Keith wished he’d never agreed to Lance’s stupid training session.

 

_He was so fucked._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp...this chapter is kind of short and pretty late. I have no excuses. I had a long writers block and then like...inspiration just hit me like a brick. I was...slightly...disappointed in my english mark and that just like plummeted my inspiration and confidence a shit ton, but you gotta power through you know.
> 
> Anyways, new chapter! Probably has a whole bunch of errors cuz I wrote it like at 1 am and I'm running on 3 cups of coffee and I have no beta. 
> 
> This chapter is basically to show that Lance also had a few faults, like being unable to take criticism, but character development happens and he'll learn. He's also kind of using Keith in this...if you guys didn't notice, she's being pretty...selfish. Keith just wanted to spend time with him, but now he learns about stuff that makes things complicated. 
> 
> And pls don't hate on Keith. I knows he's all "what a pain" but again..character development will be a thing. He'll also learn. And I know Lotor seems like a jerk in this chapter, but he'd actually kind of helping Lance learn. Because it is true that Lance is not prepared and Lance needs to learn how to accept that. And he's still better and angry and taking his anger out on Keith when he really shouldn't.
> 
> Either way, hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and I'm sorry if it wasn't what you were expecting. None the less, if there is something you don't understand? Ask me! See some room for criticism? Let me know! Have any suggestions for the plot? I'd love to know! Trust me, I love hearing what people think was kind of awkward or what they'd like to see next. I read every comment!
> 
> Thank you all for being so patient!
> 
> And may the fourth be with you~

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the a while ago, and it had been lying in my folders...so I figured I'd upload this. The next chapter will probably be up soon next week?  
> Anywhooo...I hope you guys liked this chapter!
> 
> See any mistakes? Tell me! Both criticism and suggestions for the plot are greatly appreciated.


End file.
